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Store CD's
When did every clothing store and coffee shop get into the music publishing industry? You need only to visit your local strip mall's Old Navy store to see some awfully manufactured denim jeans but hear some of the best big band music ever recorded. At Banana Republic, one can purchase a smart casual women's ensemble and listen to Louis Armstrong and other legendary Dixieland musicians. Starbucks will perk you up with a Grande, ice-whipped, hazelnut, maple-frosted mochachino and mellow you simultaneously with the cool jazz tunes of Ella Fitzgerald.
It seems in every store these days, next to the tip cup naturally, you'll find a ten dollar compilation CD of recordings that are for sale, as well as being played throughout the store while you shop for trousers. Eddie Bauer Cargo Pants are apparently more worldly a purchase while Mel Torme croons about flying to exotic places. The Gap sells boatloads of khakis because Louis Prima's "Jump Jive & Wail" apparently has subliminally recorded phrases buried into the lyrics that suggests "your ass swings in pleats" and "no visible panty lines with stretch cotton twill." Admittedly, music can shape the mood within the retail experience whilst you peruse the shopping aisles. But frankly, too many stores are getting into the act of selling their own labeled compact disc and I find it sometimes inappropriate...
Mobil stations play music through their gas pumps, but I really don't need to hear Stepenwolf's "Born to be Wild" while fueling my Yukon XL, with the distortion similar to the sounds of an announcement on a NYC subway car. And no, I won't buy their "Keep Your Motor Running" compact disc.
You also won't see the KMart CD of "Martha's Handcrafted Melodies" in my collection, but Walmart's "Budget Bluegrass for Bargain Hunters" has some potential.
At Victorias Secret I find the "Sensual Sounds of Wagner" a little far-fetched, but not nearly as out there as 7 Eleven's "Slurpin' to the Oldies."
Home Depot has built the "Electric Slide and the Plumber's Ball" CD, while Costco's promotion of "A Warehouse O' Pops" cleverly comes with a case of cream soda.
Carvel Ice Cream Bakery's "Fudgie the Whales Torment" is a real heart melter.
McDonald's makes McMusic with "A Quarter Pound O' Blues"
Footlocker has a toe-tapping CD called "Leather & Lace."
But I would say the most perturbing is when I'm getting cash at a Citibank ATM and I'm forced to listen to a Muzak rendition of The Black Crowes "Shake Your Money Maker." Nay, dare I say that The Carnegie Deli's Holiday CD "Latkes for Lovers" might be even more disturbing.
Perhaps retail outlets should just stick with selling merchandise and leave the music to be sold at Amazon.com and Sam Goody stores. It would be quite embarrassing for the music publishing industry if Brittany Spear's CD was topped by the perineal mall favorite Aunt Annie's Pretzel's "Let's Twist" on the Billboard top 100 list. Don't you think?