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Starbucks' Big Secret
As someone who was wise enough to sock a few bucks into the initial stock offering of a little known coffee company in Seattle some ten years ago, I thought that I knew a few things about these solicitors of sugar, caffeine and bovine growth hormones. (they're the biggest purchaser of milk in the United States). I've always been quite happy to spend $1.47 on a cup of joe or $6.21 for a Grande, skim, latte, macchiato with caramel syrup and protein powder. I mean I kind of saw it as an investment as I watched my stock rise like my blood pressure after a double-shot espresso. But I just discovered a secret that could possibly send my investment down the drain...in the toilet (pun intended). So hold on, call your broker and get ready to sell short. (Or in the case of Starbucks sell Tall, the euphemism they use for a small cup of coffee. Then comes Grande for medium, followed by Venti for...you'll piss a river.)
YOU CAN BUY A CUP OF STARBUCKS COFFEE FOR ONLY FIFTY CENTS!!!
They've made it a well kept secret, but now it's out! And as far as I know, the discount is available at all Starbucks stores nationwide, but I'm certain about it's availability in New York City. There is a catch though...
First you must buy a tall coffee and therein lies the rub, as many of you may have to apply for a home equity loan to finance your first brew. But once you have consumed your first java...save your cup! Then when you are ready for seconds, bring your emptied cardboard canister (if it hasn't disintegrated from the 386 degree contents already) and ask for a refill. Yes, you'll feel like a schmuck the first time but get used to it...you've seen what we've been putting on TV for the last few years...you're already used to feeling ashamed! Upon the cup's presentation you'll receive a fresh pouring of burnt bean juice for just fifty cents plus tax. But get this...some area Starbucks will give you another 10% off if they have a deal with your company. The 'Bux at Columbus & 67th street gives all ABC employees the discount..if you ask. And if you felt like a schnook before for asking for the refill rate, guess how I felt when I asked for my ABC discount to also be applied! That's right 45 cents plus tax! At this price Columbia Supremo becomes cheaper than water. Ounce for ounce, Poland Spring's gotta be twice the price. For such savings we can all pass on the Metamucil or preferred laxative and drink more mud!
But if in your travels you find that this same program exists at New World Coffee, Timothy's, Gloria Jeans, The Coffee Beanery or what have you...please take your business there instead. I've got kids that plan on going to college someday and I was planning on having many expensive coffee and Frappuccino sales providing that income.