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Orlando
I live in a fairly affluent community, or at least that's what the people who live in my town claim. And one of the benefits or disadvantages of living in such a village, depending upon how you look at it, is that the local town board shuns the incroachment of franchise operations. Thus you won't find a Starbucks, Dunkin' Donuts or Burger King in the Bedford Village/Pound Ridge section of Westchester County. Subsequently, you will only find a smattering of markets or gas stations that sell coffee, but inevitably housed in a cheap styrofoam travel cup. Or worse yet, a pound cake that was baked four days ago and shrink wrapped in Indiana somewhere. These are the sacrifices one must make in order to maintain the aesthetics of the community...by not allowing a storefront that would dare a include a neon sign or a kids eat free advertisement in the window. So instead we proudly exhibit a plethora of real estate centers, architects offices and empty storefronts in lieu of such downscale offerings such as Bob's Big Boy.
Orlando Florida is the epitome of chain store heaven to the point of absurdity. Whereas in my town a franchise is an unwelcome sight, in Orlando they are sought after. As a matter of fact, I believe that if you were inclined to open an independent business in Orlando, the town board would decline your submission as being to esoteric. If you are not part of a national chain, forget it, you are not welcome! And the crappier the franchise the better... Steak and Ale, Waffle House, Sizzler and Perkins line the strip mall laden highways like breakfast cereals on the shelf at the ShopRite SuperCenter. Translating the word Orlando from the Spanish to English dictionary, you will notice the definition is Subway: a place to get a bland sandwich constructed with shredded lettuce, cardboard tomatoes and a tasteless meat-like facsimile. Finding a descent restaurant to patron for an upscale dinner is harder to come by than a kid without a mouse-ear hat at the airport. So when you want to go full out for that special occasion, your choices will be limited to a Macaroni Grill, TGI Fridays or Chili's Grill and Bar. Considering these slim offerings however, you might be thankful that you filled up at breakfast. The hearty Grand Slam at Denny's or the voluminous Rooty Tooty Fresh & Fruity at IHOP are certain to hold you over until the late evening. Then you could simply go to the 7/11 or Circle K to fill up on fried pork rinds, moon pies and Coca Cola for a late night snack.
What I recently learned is that Orlando Florida is the most visited tourist destination city in the entire world. So, in addition to the chain store loving Midwesterners, we have a retinue of International tourists to impress with our fast food, fat-laden offerings. I overheard a German tourist exclaim in the T-shirt and souvenir store "Das McDonald's iz un every corner. Much like Jews in das banking industry!" What a way to leave an impression! It makes you consider that maybe the French were right about not wanting us to refuel or bombers in France during the gulf war or even more blasphemous...building Euro Disney on French soil. I have to admit though, as far as the European tourists are concerned, I can't fathom anything more humorous than some uptight wealthy British family seeking tea and crumpets for their morning meal and having to end up scarfing flapjacks with biscuits and redeye gravy in the Cracker Barrel restaurant! And if you're visiting from Asia, well just go ahead and try the franchised sushi or pad thai and tell me all about it the next morning...if you survive the toxins! Sadly the most authentic international cuisine is housed in Epcot Center. Three foot bratwurst with cheese anyone?
But Orlando may be how the world defines America...Disney, movie inspired theme parks and amusement rides and the Wendy's Triple Classic. Big fat roly-poly lard-ass cheesecake faced America. Is this the way we see ourselves as well? Perhaps. These business's are built on a supply and demand basis. If people weren't willing to shell our a few shekels for the Ponderosa $3.99 dinner buffet, then it simply wouldn't exist. Souvenir shops that sell fetal sharks swimming in a display jar of formaldehyde, or a preserved puffer fish blown up like balloons and sold as sea-life decor for the kids room, is apparently what we want in our society. It's apparent because they sell it, lots of it. But thankfully here in Bedford we are devoid of such offerings. No, T-shirts that say I'm with Stupid, or hats with plastic poop on the visor sold in my neck of the woods. And for that matter there are no tourists to be had here either. I mean what could we offer them aside from a tour with a real estate agent, or perhaps a scone baked several days ago from the town they just flew in from?