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Children's Books
How hard can it possibly be to write a book for an audience of children? This thought has come to pass this week, when I made my fourth tape change during an interview. Frankly, this is when I do my best thinking, because we can all agree, if you didn't get the goods during the first hour of the interview for your 10 minute story, then you ain't gonna get it on tape six! So somewhere during the third tape I begin to fantasize as to what else I can be doing beside television production, which can afford me a descent living, devoid of long winded correspondents.
So I've been working with Julie Andrew's for the past week. I must say that unlike most other celebrities that I've had to endure, she is truly a sweetheart. A very likable woman, a deer. (as in doe a deer that is). She and her daughter, you may or may not know, have collaborated on a series of children's books called Dumpy the Dumptruck. Now most of you that have been familiar with my writings for the past year may notice that I'm no Ernest Hemingway or Chuck Dickens, but I assure you that I have the skills to come up with something as basic as Dumpy! And at fifteen bucks a pop for the book at Barnes & Nobel, I figure this is a surefire way out of long winded, droning reporters and exhaustive interviews! Dumpy for Chrissakes! Could they not have thought of anything more clever? Even I could have come up with Toasty the Toaster or Fridgy the Refrigerator. As a matter of fact here are a few of my new kid's books that I'm presently developing...
Peter the Panatone Cake Saves Christmas
Cappy the Cappuccino Meets Sergio the Starbucks Barista
Dickey the Dictionary Spells Trouble
Wally the Wallet in Show Me the Money
Tele the Telephone Calls it Quits
My favorite might be Curious George is Curious About his Genitalia. I figure, much like Pee Wee Herman's character, this may play on an adult level as well as a child's, which could only increase sales two fold. Or at least there may be a built in audience amongst priests as this book relates to both children and sex. Look out Doctor Spock, as this book gives a new meaning to "the bible of all children's books"... I suppose.
Now it is at this point that I offer you the opportunity to opt out of continuing to receiving these somewhat offensive e-mails, or rather come to my first book signing party at the debut of my what will surely take over Amazon's top seller slot...a tale loosely based on the story of Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, Connie the Condom and the Explosive Latex Factory. Please bring your own Sharpie, and there will be no signing of any memorabilia outside of the book jacket.