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Bad Espresso
It's quite amazing in this sophisticated era of coffee drinking, with a Starbucks or facsimile on every corner, that finding a well made cup of espresso is a bit of a challenge. Frankly, the miniature brew at Starbucks isn't half bad, but it just isn't right sipping espresso out of a paper cup. By the time the lid is attached to the puny cup and it is finally in hand, you're about ready to consume it, except the heat has all but left and your swilling a lukewarm shot of burnt bean juice. The best espresso is ALWAYS served in a ceramic cup
When you go to a fancy restaurant, including but not necessarily excluding the Italian variety, you would naturally expect that the espresso would be perfect after you've consumed your fifty bucks worth of Osso Buco or Wasabi Rubbed Chilean Sea Bass. Not the case. I've come to the conclusion that there is no relationship between the price of a restaurant's fare and it's ability to make a proper espresso. For instance, Bertucci's a family chain in the Northeast - good espresso, small bill. On the other hand on a recent visit to Rosa Mexicano, the upscale neuvo-Mexican eatery, the tab was a fortune, the espresso was for shit. I believe in the 30/10 philosophy when it comes to dining out...
30% make bad espresso
30% make good espresso
30% say that their machine is broken
10% say that their machine is broken but they really never had one to begin with.
One of the problems in getting a descent cup of espresso in a restaurant is that the waiters tend to over extract the grind and excessively pour the water, thus you end up with a tiny cup of crappy American style coffee (Cafe Americano) rather than a bold flavorful mouthful of espresso. And that's all it should be, a momentary pleasure. Here in America we supersize everything. "Quadruple espresso with your Biggie Fries and Double Whopper, sir?" In Italy, you can get a great espresso ANYWHERE, including Agip service stations, fast food restaurants and homeless shelters. The secret is that they pour you about a thimble full of this "nectar of the gods." That's it. One sip and it's finito, and at a cost of a mere fifty cents. You saddle up to the counter, order, sip, pay and walk away as if you just passed through EZPass at eighty miles per hour. If such a small portion were to be dished out here in the States there would be riots at the Cosi/Xando Coffee stores. Like always, its a quantity over quality issue here.
There are certain warning signs that you want to watch for when ordering an espresso in a restaurant that should immediately steer you towards the chamomile tea if you see any of these calamities in the making... 1) The menu spells espresso with an "x" thus expresso. Stand Clear 2) No crema (the brown foam on the top of a good cup) To Be Avoided 3) A bottle of Sambucca accompanies the espresso. You're at a tourist trap in Little Italy or Arthur Avenue 4) The espresso is served in one of those metal stovetop contraptions where the water seeps through to the bottom and then you pour your own cup from this mini percolator. You went back to Arthur Avenue, didn't you? 5) A single espresso is the size of a cup of coffee. You just got a jumbo sized watery espresso or simply a piss-like cup of Cafe Americano coffee. 6) Instead of espresso the menu reads demitasse. Certainly you're in the Midwest where you've just consumed a heapin' plate of chicken ala king and you have no right to order espresso. 7) If the waiter says that they can't make espresso but he can make you a cappuccino. This cappuccino undoubtedly will be poured from a dry powder and mixed with milk -- Nestle International Coffee if you will. So you'd better be dining with your girlfriends to share the moment of your life. 8) If the menu reads Italian Style Espresso...I wouldn't order any Italian food that was in this place! Better off at the Olive Garden or another Italian-Style chain! 9) If the espresso is presented with a candy cane of colored sugar...You're at the carnival, not a good restaurant, and the county faire ain't known for it's quality coffee. See if they have a cola slushee instead. 10) If they don't offer espresso to begin with...avoid their regular coffee too!
Lastly, one way to ruin even a great cup of espresso is by squeezing that lemon peel sliver into your cup. It's not supposed to go into your coffee! It just adds bitter citrus oil and is intended to be used for decorative purposes. Originally the lemon was used to wash out the cup before the day of modern conveniences like running water or a dishwasher. It's presented for traditional reasons not for your coffee. You never eat the parsley or spiced apple ring accompanying your Salisbury Steak at the Sizzler do you? Well, then don't use the lemon, unless you plan on cleaning your cup with it. Or better yet, leave it in lieu of your tip to show your thanks for another poorly made espresso.